THE VISIT

It's nice to find a change of pace.
So, I decided to go South for a little while to warm my bones.
I arrived in the midst of gushing rain and temperatures that made my bones ache.
Wait a minute!
I was suppose to go to WARM country.

So, after nearly a week down here I am warming up . . . with a little help from long pants and four skimpy layers of clothing.
Who knew!
This is January weather!

Yet, isn't the best part of visiting the time we take to linger with friends and family?
I planned to have lots of empty hours to write but, alas, too many dear friends entered the picture.
Conversation takes energy and time.
Love it.
But where did the time and energy go?
A quick stop with a family member stretched to lingering for hours over endless twists and turns in our conversation that could go on for days.
Nice
A huge sandwich loaded with scrumptious ingredients gave me fuel to continue to my next destination.

I arrived much later than anticipated, dined on salad with grilled salmon and dove into bed.
I awoke so early that I lingered on the deck overlooking a fog-filled lake.
In fact, I couldn't see five feet in front of me.

But OH what I could see in those five feet . . . a chirping squirrel scampered about on an ancient tree limb, a woodpecker pecking at morsels out of the feeder, rustling willow branches, a Cardinal vying for the same food as others.

If I concentrate I might hear the sound of a truck on the highway a block away but why would I want to listen to harsh sputtering of a muffler?

I was desperate to catch up on memory work, study and emails and so was my hostess.
But we first enjoyed real bacon, scrambled fresh eggs and toast from bread I never tried before.
I love it.
Ezekiel 4:9 Bread.  They say one can pick this up in the refrigerated section of any grocery.
It was a nice change from tea, almonds and yogurt I usually have each morning.

Nothing beats having such a comfortable relationship with a hostess that, as a visitor, I can be left alone while the hostess tends to basic chores she must accomplish each day.

All too soon we will chat and walk and linger over tea and enjoy wonderful memories or simply listen to each other.
But for now, I love having the alone time I need to regroup after several days of listening and talking and being with so many people I love.

Visiting is a JOY but I also need time to re-group, renew my Spirit, simply be still ... be silent . . . BE.

In a blink I will be on the road again . . . back to my original spot where I will remain for several days . . . to linger by the water and let the salt sea grab my toes as they hug the sand.

Maybe I'll find some shells as I watch the sun set.
I love the afterglow as light lingers behind clouds creating hews that look like a paint brush streaked across the sky leaving multiple variations of pink and blue light.

Visiting with the sea and the foliage and gardens can be an endless delight.

Before too long I will return to the cold of the North.
I won't think about that now.
I just want to linger a little longer and enjoy these shells and all that goes with them.

VULNERABILITY

A friend posted an incredible video on her Facebook page regarding VULNERABILITY.
I can't figure how to upload it so google: BreneBrounTED and look for her video on vulnerability.

I listened intently.

Vulnerability begins in the heart.

I took copious notes.
Did I understand her twenty minute lecture?
I was so busy trying to embrace Brene Brown's words that I had little time to digest them.
She was easy to understand, defined her concepts on vulnerability concisely, was a delight to listen to and her lecture was filled with great information.
And then she stopped.

Just when I thought she could really help me, she stopped.
Wait a minute.
I need a quick, easy formula to deal with my vulnerability issues.
Oh, I think she said that about herself before she knew it would take her a year of counseling and six more years of work to struggle through her own vulnerability issues.
Great.
And here I am blurting all this out on a BLOG . . . my wonder about vulnerability.
Isn't even wondering about it being vulnerable?
I so totally related to her statement that "I am not the vulnerable type."
I deal with each issue the best I can and move on.
Do I really have to get emotional about it?
Not exactly but it helps.

Brene Brown studies people's stories.
After years of listening, she divided people's stories into two groups.
Some of us have a strong sense of love and belonging and can endure the discomfort of vulnerability reasonably well.
On the other hand, some of us struggle for a sense of love and belonging.
We feel a sense of shame and unworthiness so deep that we dare not be vulnerable.
 

Our story is woven deep inside our heart.
Vulnerability will not unravel what is deep inside us
but will strengthen us.

Either we feel shame and fear and reject connection or we feel good enough to connect, which equals vulnerability.
We either feel worthy of loving and belonging or not.
It takes courage to tell our story with our whole heart.
It takes courage to share one's imperfections.
"Cour" means "heart" in french.
Are we brave enough to give our heart away?

It takes courage to let go of what we should be and fully embrace our vulnerable points.
Vulnerability takes courage.
Vulnerability is never comfortable.

In order to be vulnerable to another, we must love ourselves.
 Leviticus 19:18 says, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," as part of a long list of God's commandments to His people.
A lawyer talking with Jesus recites the two great commandments that Jesus taught, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10:27

I have memorized and pondered this scripture for years.
All too often we expend great energy loving our neighbor by doing great works.
We wonder why more people don't expend time and energy outside themselves as we have done.
Then comes exhaustion.
Perhaps the words come to mind, "I met everyone else's needs for too many years and I got burned out. I am done.  No more will I be the nice one as others trample over me or ignore my hard work."

I have been there.
I spin out too much in one direction without taking enough time in prayer and meditation with my Lord.
Yet, in order to "be" to others we need to learn to "be" with God.
Even in Leviticus one is commanded to love our neighbor 'as ourself'.'
Do we really take time to understand the love that God first gave us so we can feel that we truly belong to God and feel worthy of God's unconditional love?

We are called to first love God, which in turn will help us understand God's unending love for us.
Then and only then can we handle our own vulnerability by loving our neighbor unconditionally.

This year I am working hard to be honest and vulnerable with God.
I made a plan to set aside extra time each day to ponder God's words in scripture.
I have done this for years but this year I am being very intentional with several disciplines.
It's winter so I am not running round as much as usual.
The real test will be when the weather clears up and I begin spinning again.

I may not understand where I am in my vulnerability but Brene Brown most certainly helped me to refocus my efforts to simply 'be' . . . to sit and ponder who I am in God's eyes.

Sharing our vulnerability can produce
a sweet bouquet from the heart.

Do I feel comfortable with my sense of love and belonging?
Can I be vulnerable enough to endure telling my story to help another to face the day with more courage?

I pray that, when I am in a place where I need to be vulnerable I can 'be' my story and accept whatever outcome presents itself.
May we each address our own vulnerability as we seek more of God's love.

May we place our vulnerability on God's altar and bring our story to God.
Then, in God's timing, may we be brave enough, courageous enough, to be vulnerable enough to share our story with others.
May we all feel that sense of love and belonging to be vulnerable.

MOON

The moon pierced the darkness as light danced on snow.

The MOON makes bright the still, white hills.

It peeks through the near-dark sky with a brilliance that draws the eye upward.

We speak in whispers so as not to disturb the tranquil stillness.

A soft dusting of snow pops the bright moonlight back up to the sky offering a delight to the senses.

Oh how I love light, especially in winter.


The moon, so often hidden behind shadows of gray, is a rare sight this time of year.
I grabbed my camera to capture the memory.
Yet, a picture only reminds me of an instant where all my senses were at work.

I saw the sparkle of the moon on snow bouncing up to the sky.
I heard the silence of tree boughs holding still.
I felt comfortable standing in the crisp, cold temperature, bundled in my winter gear.
I smelled the clean-washed air after fresh snow had fallen.
I tasted delight rushing through my soul.

The stillness spoke in volumes as night slowly enveloped us.

I give thanks to God for this glorious creation - the MOON - that only has the capability to reflect light from another source.
Yet, just as the snow reflects the 'reflection' of the moon's light from the sun, so we were created to be a 'reflection' of God's glory working in and through us.
I ponder this thought.
Just as the MOON's bright light can only reflect the brightness of another star, so also, we are only able to be the 'bright light' to others IF we absorb that 'light' from God that was intended to fill our souls.
Hmmmmmm
I need to return to this thought after I have digested a little more 'light'.

I recall so many years ago when our neighbor stopped by with his two-year old daughter as they were strolling one summer night.

The huge, full moon was coming up clear and bold before the dark sky enveloped it.
The little one, not yet chatting, simply said, "moooooon."
She had been well taught by loving parents.
She saw that round bulb slowly rising in the night sky and called it by name.
It was a magnetic moment for me.

A burrrrrrrr and blurrrrr wrapped the earth as day met evening shadows.

That little girl, now in college, still reminds me of that moment she pointed to the moooooon.
From that day forth, my hubby and I, when we see the moon rising in the early night sky, say the same word, "mooooon."
We always think of her and offer a mini-prayer that she remain healthy and happy.
Thus far, our prayer for her has far surpassed our meek words.
She is thriving.

The moon seems to have a magnetic attachment to my soul.
It keeps ME thriving.
As the moon reflects its light on dusk-still snow, I also receive the gift of its reflection.
So powerful.
I see the light and soft shadows before night falls.
Reflection.
My still soul reflects the reflection of God's 'light' penetrating deep within me.
Words, thoughts, feelings . . . all are poured out as a reflection of what has been poured into me.
I can only reflect.
Yet, I have the capacity to reflect as boldly and as magnetically as a full moon.
When I am filled to overflowing with joy and gratitude and wonder and curiosity and excitement and . . .
I can't help but come across as being full . . .  full of . . .

We were surprised last Spring with a
visit from a neighbor's friends, descending
near our house as hot air became cooler.

              Others must make that judgment.
I pray I am filled with that which God has planted inside me . . . God's Spirit . . . the reflection of God's only begotten son who walked on this earth, died and was resurrected from the dead, so that we who believe might become that perfect reflection of His work in and through us.
I can choose to be that reflection or . . .
 perhaps, at times, be hot air?
I would then be like a balloon that floats in the air like the moon.
Only, unlike the moon that remains beyond our reach, the balloon filled with hot air will soon 'cool' and descend to the ground . . . totally deflated. . . empty.

Only a reflection yet so igniting

And so I continue to look at the moon, the few times I see it on these gray winter nights, and reflect.

I pray I can remain filled with God's reflection in me.

"Even the darkness is not dark to you and the night is as bright as the day.  Darkness and light are alike to you.  For you formed my inward parts; you wove me in my mother's womb.  I will give thanks to you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  wonderful are your works and my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139: 12-14 NASB

A WORD

"Might I have a word?"
       I hear this phrase over and over as I watch English dramas.
              "Might I have a word."                                                        A WORD

I'm fascinated by that phrase yet I don't know why.
It seems quite obvious regarding content but the phrase seems awkward to me as an America.
I guess I might say, "May I speak with you for a moment."

So, what am I rambling about?
A WORD
WORD
It reminds me of the first scripture I memorized, "In the beginning was the WORD and the WORD was with God and the WORD was God . . . and the WORD became flesh and dwelt among us . . . " John 1: 1,14.

In Genesis, God SAID . . . and life began.
Just a WORD or two and voila, creation!                                              WORD

So, "may I have a WORD" can be a pretty profound statement.

It all comes down to the fact that words are powerful.
Time to share words is precious.
Permission to speak words to another is taken seriously.
In other 'words' WORDS are important.
WORDS can define who we are, how we think, what we desire, our daily perspective on life.
WORDS . . . A WORD.

So, when my friend asked me what WORD I had selected for the year, I had to think for awhile.
A WORD?
Just ONE WORD?
It's almost as awkward as saying, "Might I have a word."

And so I stop.
I think awhile.
I list all the words I have lived by over the years.
My 'life' word is GRACE.
A word I glued myself to for a number of years has been TRUST.
A word-phrase I use almost too often is BE PREPARED.
Then I recall my desire simply to BE.
These are all good words.
Yet, if I am to select ONE WORD to focus on for the entire year, I have to return to the very first  word that hit me between the eyes when I was trying to understand my Christian walk.

ABIDE
A continuous active verb.
To cling to, to remain attached, to stick with . . .                             ABIDE
Once I choose to ABIDE I cannot stop.
Of course I can choose with whom or with what I am to ABIDE.

35 years ago (gee, that seems long) I made a choice to ABIDE in Christ Jesus.
I have not wavered from that commitment yet someone might say I have pretty much figured out how to ABIDE.

Yet, just clinging to the Lord thy God is only the first step.
To truly ABIDE takes a lifetime of learning to remain focused on God's precious presence in my life.
True ABIDING is a process that will not be complete until I am with my Lord beyond this earthly existence.

Words motivate our future
Fill a bucket with motivating words

To begin to truly focus on ABIDING for only a year seems pithy .
Yet, I can try, for one year, to figure out how I am clinging to my God each day, each week, each month.

I can take time to focus and refocus on the words of John 15. . .
:4  "ABIDE in me (says Jesus) and I will ABIDE in you. . . "
:5 (Jesus said,) I am the vine and you are the branches.  If you ABIDE in me and I ABIDE in you, you will bear much fruit ..."
:7  "If you ABIDE in me and my WORD ABIDES in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you."

So, I guess, "Might I have a word" really has expanded into something for my mind to cling to for the rest of this year.
How about you, "MIGHT YOU HAVE A WORD?"

WHATEVER

Whatever ...
Is this what our language, our sense of expression, our articulation of feelings is coming to?
Whatever?
Listen to the tone of voice when this word is expressed.
It begins with a lofty higher note and then our voice drops into oblivion.      Whatever
Is that what our spirit is saying?
Begin on a high note and then simply give up?
Whatever . . .

Perhaps this word is a new way to represent the feeling that, 'I will go along to get along.'
I will simply add my personal insight and when I meet with a roadblock I will go hide in a corner.
Whatever . . .

I love this sprinkle of sun on crisp snow.

Lately I have been waking up to a bit of sunshine piercing through the crack in the bedroom curtain.
That means the days are getting longer.
I actually see light!
Yet, almost as soon as that tiny spark of golden-yellow meets my eyes, it is gone.
Whatever ...
As soon as my spirit lifts in delight in hopes that the day will be sunny all day, the lingering clouds float past any hope of sparkle.
My high hope plunges downward as fast as the gray sets in.
Another gray day.
Whatever ...

This might be a gray day but only in winter can I see all
the buildings of our neighbor's farm.  It is like a
Currier and Ives painting that comes alive.

I give in.
I go to my corner.
I linger into nothingness . . . for a moment.
And then . . .
      And then . . .
              Hope springs eternal . . .
                     Whatever . . .  turns into determination.
I am determined to make this day come alive . . .  sparkle . . . become a memory that lingers in my heart.
How do I do that?
Choice
Determination
Perseverance

I CHOOSE to overcome these cloudy days by pure will power.
I consciously evaluate my choices.
I can either remain paralyzed by the gray and cold or I can rise above my physical and emotional discomfort.
I choose to look on the bright side of things.
I choose to not disintegrate into tiny pieces just because the weather does not meet my desires.

I become DETERMINED to maintain that 'upward' tone rather than linger in the lower depths of my negative attitude.
I become determined to change my voice.
I am determined to change 'whatever' into curiosity, into a high note of my day.

I CHOOSE to be DETERMINED to PERSEVERE . . . with a positive attitude . . . no matter how many gloomy days greet me shortly after waking each morning.

I will persevere in changing 'whatever' into 'what' . . .  into curiosity . . . forever.
What is my day going to look like?
What might I learn today?
What ways can I ever be of greater help to others today?
What ever are the possibilities if I ask for God's help in leading me each day?

My 'winter' garden, safely growing inside.

With God's help, how could my voice ever drop into oblivion?
How could I hide in a corner and mope?

A voice within me murmurs, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. . . "
That voice sounds positive.
That voice ends the sentence strong and does not allow my sense of well-being to hide in a corner.
That voice is God working in and through me as I remember His Word.
How could I possibly not resist singing high notes when I know God is with me throughout each day?

My hubby loves to play tunes
to old hymns on a gray day.

How could I not linger a little longer with a positive song on a cloudy, cold day?
God helps me choose.
God helps me remain determined.

Read Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts
 to learn about giving THANKS to God daily
Also go to her blog: aholyexperience.com

God helps me persevere until I can return to digging in the dirt.


WHATEVER I do I will give thanks to God.
That's why I write out at least three graces, three thanks each day.
 See my blog: dailygracesfromgod.blogspot.com
Instead of saying, 'whatever', I choose to give 'thanks forever' for the graces I receive each day.

AHAAAAAA

Although the Christmas season officially ended on Epiphany,  January 6, I keep my little box in plain sight that says, "I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year."
 Wouldn't that be fun!
Yet, like the tree that by now has shed most of its needles and is lying somewhere waiting to be recycled, we might feel pretty ready to 'recycle' this wild season of giving and receiving, of food and fun, of celebrating with friends and family.
That's what is so wonderful about the changing seasons.
We can shift gears.
We can look forward to new discoveries based upon our past experiences.
Perhaps that's why we make resolutions for the new year.
We want to build new structures upon our old base.

As I linger a little longer with my daily reflections, I do wonder if those astronomers looking for a new king were just like us.
Perhaps their expectation was to begin anew, make new discoveries, start fresh with a new leader.
Perhaps they expected to find what they were looking for and bring this 'new hope' back to their home base.

Yet, they had an 'epiphany' . . .  an 'ahaaaa' experience when they 'discovered' Emmanuel, God with us.
Their entire life-focus changed.
They came.

They saw.
They understood.

Their expectation made a dramatic turn as they returned home via a different route in order to protect the One they honored.

They returned empty handed . . .
    Or did they?
Leaving gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh shows me that something profound happened that caused these men to change.
They came home filled to the brim with an 'aha' experience, an epiphany!

I, personally, cannot turn on a dime like that.
I would need to mull over the situation, linger over the ramifications, study, wonder.
I would need to "sit on it' awhile.
'Epiphany' takes me a loooooooong time for some reason.
Yet, I too had a personal 'aha' experience with God through the power of the Holy Spirit years ago.
I still wonder, discover and continue to build on past experiences with my Emmanuel.

What joy I feel to look forward to another day of questioning, lingering a little longer over a passage of scripture and actually 'getting it'.

I may have read the same passage a thousand times and even reflected upon it several different ways.

Yet, I seem to always be surprised when I see the same words from a different perspective.

That's why I remain motivated to stick with daily my scripture reading.

I come into my quiet place.

I see words that seem to come alive in new ways each time I read them.

I gain new understanding that aids my daily journey.

These small 'aha' experiences seem to make my day.

I feel refreshed.

I'm energized to head into the day with renewed energy.
. . . until the next day
 . . .  when I seek more understanding
 . . . in order to renew that sense of Epiphany.

God with us, Emmanuel.
Like the little box, He will remain with me through all the year . . .  forever.

CHRISTMAS JOURNEY

Christmas continues.
We're half way through these twelve days of celebration.
Great stories of prophecy fill the air.

Wonderings about the 'wise' men prompt us to dig deeper.

I journey with the seekers as they follow the Star.
I wonder as I wander through the brightness of scripture.

We never got around to putting up the big tree.
Our little tree should be full of decorations but . . .
Too much happened this year.
I did place a star on it, given to me in a card sent by dear friends.

I chuckle.
I have been focusing on this little star . . .
. . . just as the wise astrologers did over 2000 years ago.

They followed a brilliant light in the sky.
They knew it was unique, a once in a lifetime happening.
After all, they knew the skies better than anyone.
Perhaps this bright light would lead them to the king they had been seeking according to their Zoroastrian belief.  A human king . . . to lead those residing in a place very near where Abraham began his journey from Ur into Canaan.

These twelve days from Christmas to Epiphany play out the pageant of the journey of the Wise Men.
In these twelve days we race through great stretches of time.
Wandering takes time.
Just think of the Israelites wandering for forty years in the wilderness.

These Holly berries have taken three years to hold
strong through the wind and snow.  Their journey of
growth is not much different than ours.

It may have been well over a year before the astrologists began to wander.
We forget that Harod's temple, gilded in GOLD, was meant to reflect the sun as a beacon of light to draw crowds to his depraved territory in Jerusalem.
Travelers could not help but stop at the top of this highest point to wonder at the sight.
So, too, the wise men wandered . . . and wondered . . . visited Herod . . . and kept wandering.
When the brightest light in the sky stopped, they stopped.
When they moved, the bright sky-light moved with them.
And so the wandering and wondering continued for . . . we do not know how long.

They sought the answer to their wondering.
They sought a final destination to their wandering.

Don't we also do that?
Something sparks our attention that compels us to journey until we say, "Ahaaaaa, I understand."
Often the seeking seems endless.
My own journey into the presence of God's light in Christ took a long time.
My journey was circuitous, meandering endlessly . . . or it seemed so at the time.

Red poppies and peppers pop as Paper whites bloom
in the midst of a snowstorm.  Rosemary sprigs remind
 us of new life.  Slowly 'the light'  helps my little potted
 plants bloom and give life to my inside-world.

Tiny lights turned on in my heart as I felt compelled to seek more.
Tiny lights became stronger 'epiphanies' as I asked questions, dove into scripture and joined another group of seekers on the same journey.

And then, finally, quietly, I had my own personal 'ahaaaa' moment, my epiphany.
But that's for another time.

We have a long way to go with the wise men before they reach their final destination.
The journey is the best part.

May we all journey into the NEW YEAR with eager anticipation to expand upon the flicker of light or the vibrant beacon that draws us into a deeper love relationship with the Lord, thy God.