That’s the question that came up in our conversation.
We were grieving over another dear friend who died, leaving his spouse to fend for herself.
This reminded me of my own life which I lived precariously through my 20s and 30s.
I was single until six months after I turned forty-one.
I learned to motivate myself to embrace life every single day whether I wanted to or not.
By my senior year in college I knew how to take care of every detail of my life.
My personal bookkeeping was meticulous; almost ridiculous as I recorded every penny I spent.
Each place I called ‘home' was organized.
Because I moved many times before I settled, most of my possessions could fit into two suitcases.
Soon I had a great job that paid well; I traveled and felt no qualms about purchasing whatever I wished whenever I wished.
I had already invested in a little house and managed to fix and upgrade every part.
The rotting deck was replaced, the kitchen tile was patched, dutch doors opened up two entrances.
I wallpapered walls and painted the whole house, inside and out.
I turned the large room in the basement into an apartment and added insulation.
Even the old toilet, used as a planter in the side garden, was removed.
I was ready for new adventures but I had little savings.
After several years I lost the high paying job that gave me freedom to travel around the world.
About that time the U.S. went into a deep recession.
I could get gas for my little car on odd days if I waited in line for at least thirty minutes.
I was in my mid-thirties when I realized that I needed to save some money.
Reality hit.
Was I ready?
A few months later I was hired at a new tech start-up.
I was clueless about tech but one of the people knew me and knew I could be trained.
I was eager to learn.
The pay was so low that I barely made enough money for my tiny mortgage and for gas in my car.
Yet, I knew this job was a great opportunity for success.
I became creative.
First, I baked my special molasses bread and sold it at work for $1.50 per loaf.
Looking back, the ingredients cost at least $.75.
I made enough money selling bread to pay for gas which vacillated between $.35 and $.45 a gallon.
Indeed, decades ago costs were low but so was pay.
It’s all relative.
I needed to get more creative.
So, I invited other women to live in my little home.
The two bedrooms plus large finished basement room was ample for two more to join me.
I moved into the tiny bedroom.
One bathroom seemed to work well.
I was ‘ready’ to share ways to save money.
I shared how I lived on a budget and how I purchased and made food for an entire week, including lunches.
Together, we learned enough to thrive.
We were 'ready' for the next step.
Soon we were ‘investing.’
I’d already invested in a house but I needed to begin saving money that I gained through rent, raises and selling bread.
I invested in some stocks but later I found that my house investment was a little gold mine.
When I finally sold the house after living in it for about twelve years, I made a 400% profit.
Various women lived with me until I felt it was time to live on my own.
I’d set high goals for myself and had reached most of them.
Running a ‘home for women’ was not on my list of priorities and I was reaching the age of forty.
I was involved in a very large singles group at church.
This group of 150 bonded over several years, went on retreats together and eventually got married.
By now they were having children.
Over the years I took part in their weddings and felt quite comfortable attending very large family gatherings.
The expanded group remained close for years.
Was I ready to marry?
This was more a mental transition as I knew I could not have experienced all I had done if I’d been married sooner.
Was it time to take a break from travel and simply ‘be’?
Was I ‘ready’ to become more attached to a home and husband?
Soon I knew to let my heart be open to marriage if that is what God wanted for me.
To this day I truly believe that God opens the heart in his timing if we are listening.
I would get up early before work to pray and listen to God.
I began to memorize Proverbs 31:10-31 and apply some verses to my life.
I learned later that too many people to count had prayed I’d become a Christian.
Little did I know that nine years later others prayed I’d find a husband.
I was totally unaware of all the background work of friends that went into my meeting my Handsome Prince.
The poor guy was being ‘vetted’ by various girlfriends (who did not even know each other).
He was a Sunday school teacher for three-year-olds and attended bible study at our church.
I’d never seen him. Not surprising since our church had about 3,000 weekly attendees at that time.
I was so busy leading weekend retreats and working full time that our ‘dating’ began with long phone conversations.
When we finally met, I was ready with my ‘personal testimony’ about my life in Christ.
So was he!!!
He had been praying for someone who lived each day abiding in Christ.
Needless to say, after my in-person first date with him the Holy Spirit told me in no uncertain terms that this was the one. I saw a mega-heart across his chest.
We kept seeing each other but for several months neither of us mentioned what the Lord was telling each of us.
And then I had to leave town for a family gathering.
During those five days I was gone, my ‘handsome prince’ decided to find a token of friendship.
It was a tiny gold heart on a delicate golden chain with a tiny arrow piercing the sparkling diamond in the middle of the heart.
Little did he know that the prophecy said over me several months before I met him was expressed through this precious gift.
Little did he know that his gesture of friendship would become more dear to me than the incredibly beautiful engagement ring he would give me a month later.
Little did he know that this tiny necklace would outlive my ring that I lost years later during a time when I’d lost far too much weight and was under a doctor’s care.
Little did he know that God was ready to have the two of us become one far before the time we knew we were ready.
The prophecy which was said over me was, “I see a heart that is strong and within that heart is a vibrant diamond that will grow out of intense pressure from deep pain.”
I knew Diamonds are formed as a result of intense pressure in rock formations.
It seemed a strange prophecy but I thought this meant that my life as a Christian would cause deep pain that would eventually be the seed for the precious diamond to build within my heart.
After about forty-five years of ministry, thirty-five years of marriage and just plain living life to the fullest, I can see how God has pressed his presence into me, often causing pain, that would make my heart strong enough to glisten with an inner joy that sparkles as clear and bright as a diamond.
Christian growth has had its challenges.
Learning to love another and understand selfless love as we grow in our marriage is not easy.
Both have caused moments of heart-breaking pain.
Yet, God has made me a little more ‘ready’ for each challenge and each JOY that comes my way.
After our first year of marriage my dear hubby’s job drew us from the West coast to the East coast.
Since we discussed the possibility of his transfer before we married, I was ready.
By the time we resettled in the East coast I managed to dumped all my management skills into my husband’s lap.
I let him be obsessive with small details.
I let him take care of finances.
I let him invest in our future.
I let him . . .
It was totally freeing.
I enjoyed every moment of my non-responsibility.
Yet, my precious hubby wanted me to ‘always be ready’ for any circumstance.
He made sure we discussed our finances monthly.
He made sure we kept up our annual medical exams.
He made sure we both understood the need to update end-of-life documents.
I was to be blessed by having a spouse who made sure I was ready for anything.
To this day, I am blessed to still have my spouse . . . and still maintain the ‘are you ready’ list.
We are beginning to age and our ‘to do’ list must be noted on the calendar or we’ll forget.
Our bodies are strong but we must, daily, strengthen body, mind and soul.
Each day I wake up saying, “Am I ready for whatever may happen, both good and challenging?"
Good habits,
created over a lifetime,
challenged during hard times,
embraced most of the time,
have kept me ‘ready,’ for the most part.
BUT I may not be as ready as I think when truly faced with disastrous news.
All I can do is maintain my daily habits or what many call “Rule of Life.”
I spend time filling my heart with God-messages through prayer, scripture reading, weekly worship and other sources.
I spend time making sure I maintain daily cardio exercise.
I spend time on heart and health but also try to tap into my creativity.
Each day, when I breathe in the beauty that surrounds me I give thanks to God.
My summer garden is a major source of joy.
Our finances are secure due to mindful spending and investing over many years.
We have signed all the documents that tell others how to use what we leave behind.
Are we ready?
Am I ready?
In the words of St. Paul the Apostle in his letter to the Philippians,
“To live is Christ and to die is gain.”
I live as if today were my last day, fulfilling what the Lord, my God, has called me to do.
I find daily moments that fill me with joy and thanksgiving.
Hubby does the same.
Daily, we share whatever the Lord sparks in us to encourage one another.
Sharing, “Thank you . . . I appreciate that,” reminds us to verbalize words from the heart.
When in prayer, God sometimes brings forth moments in my past that may haunt me.
Perhaps these memories that flood forth for an instant are God’s way of cleansing that which I may have tucked deep in my sub-conscience.
I need to keep cleansing that which I have stuffed away and hand these specs of ‘guilt’ over to the Lord.
God reminds me to let any fleeting thought slide into Christ’s hands.
I breathe deep,
I Confess this moment of remembrance and pray God washes away this pang of guilt.
Did I do enough for mom while she was dying?
Did I give enough back to dad who gave so much to me in life-lessons?
Was I a good-enough daughter?
I move on in my thoughts.
The Lord took care of this when I was redeemed by Christ’s shed blood.
I need to let go and embrace the healing hand of the Holy Spirit, planted firmly within me.
I breathe deep again and drink in the beauty of each day . . . sunny, rainy, hot and or cold.
I thank God for my hundreds of adventures all over the world.
I thank God for life with hubby.
I thank God for giving me gifts that I share with others as we grow and become ‘ready’ in Christ.
I continue to breathe. . .in . . . JOY.
I continue to breathe out small frustrations that sporadically jab at my heart.
I remind myself that this time on earth is a tiny spec of eternity.
I look forward to eternity in the presence of God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
I’m as ready as I can be today.
Are you ready?
