THE VISIT

It's nice to find a change of pace.
So, I decided to go South for a little while to warm my bones.
I arrived in the midst of gushing rain and temperatures that made my bones ache.
Wait a minute!
I was suppose to go to WARM country.

So, after nearly a week down here I am warming up . . . with a little help from long pants and four skimpy layers of clothing.
Who knew!
This is January weather!

Yet, isn't the best part of visiting the time we take to linger with friends and family?
I planned to have lots of empty hours to write but, alas, too many dear friends entered the picture.
Conversation takes energy and time.
Love it.
But where did the time and energy go?
A quick stop with a family member stretched to lingering for hours over endless twists and turns in our conversation that could go on for days.
Nice
A huge sandwich loaded with scrumptious ingredients gave me fuel to continue to my next destination.

I arrived much later than anticipated, dined on salad with grilled salmon and dove into bed.
I awoke so early that I lingered on the deck overlooking a fog-filled lake.
In fact, I couldn't see five feet in front of me.

But OH what I could see in those five feet . . . a chirping squirrel scampered about on an ancient tree limb, a woodpecker pecking at morsels out of the feeder, rustling willow branches, a Cardinal vying for the same food as others.

If I concentrate I might hear the sound of a truck on the highway a block away but why would I want to listen to harsh sputtering of a muffler?

I was desperate to catch up on memory work, study and emails and so was my hostess.
But we first enjoyed real bacon, scrambled fresh eggs and toast from bread I never tried before.
I love it.
Ezekiel 4:9 Bread.  They say one can pick this up in the refrigerated section of any grocery.
It was a nice change from tea, almonds and yogurt I usually have each morning.

Nothing beats having such a comfortable relationship with a hostess that, as a visitor, I can be left alone while the hostess tends to basic chores she must accomplish each day.

All too soon we will chat and walk and linger over tea and enjoy wonderful memories or simply listen to each other.
But for now, I love having the alone time I need to regroup after several days of listening and talking and being with so many people I love.

Visiting is a JOY but I also need time to re-group, renew my Spirit, simply be still ... be silent . . . BE.

In a blink I will be on the road again . . . back to my original spot where I will remain for several days . . . to linger by the water and let the salt sea grab my toes as they hug the sand.

Maybe I'll find some shells as I watch the sun set.
I love the afterglow as light lingers behind clouds creating hews that look like a paint brush streaked across the sky leaving multiple variations of pink and blue light.

Visiting with the sea and the foliage and gardens can be an endless delight.

Before too long I will return to the cold of the North.
I won't think about that now.
I just want to linger a little longer and enjoy these shells and all that goes with them.

VULNERABILITY

A friend posted an incredible video on her Facebook page regarding VULNERABILITY.
I can't figure how to upload it so google: BreneBrounTED and look for her video on vulnerability.

I listened intently.

Vulnerability begins in the heart.

I took copious notes.
Did I understand her twenty minute lecture?
I was so busy trying to embrace Brene Brown's words that I had little time to digest them.
She was easy to understand, defined her concepts on vulnerability concisely, was a delight to listen to and her lecture was filled with great information.
And then she stopped.

Just when I thought she could really help me, she stopped.
Wait a minute.
I need a quick, easy formula to deal with my vulnerability issues.
Oh, I think she said that about herself before she knew it would take her a year of counseling and six more years of work to struggle through her own vulnerability issues.
Great.
And here I am blurting all this out on a BLOG . . . my wonder about vulnerability.
Isn't even wondering about it being vulnerable?
I so totally related to her statement that "I am not the vulnerable type."
I deal with each issue the best I can and move on.
Do I really have to get emotional about it?
Not exactly but it helps.

Brene Brown studies people's stories.
After years of listening, she divided people's stories into two groups.
Some of us have a strong sense of love and belonging and can endure the discomfort of vulnerability reasonably well.
On the other hand, some of us struggle for a sense of love and belonging.
We feel a sense of shame and unworthiness so deep that we dare not be vulnerable.
 

Our story is woven deep inside our heart.
Vulnerability will not unravel what is deep inside us
but will strengthen us.

Either we feel shame and fear and reject connection or we feel good enough to connect, which equals vulnerability.
We either feel worthy of loving and belonging or not.
It takes courage to tell our story with our whole heart.
It takes courage to share one's imperfections.
"Cour" means "heart" in french.
Are we brave enough to give our heart away?

It takes courage to let go of what we should be and fully embrace our vulnerable points.
Vulnerability takes courage.
Vulnerability is never comfortable.

In order to be vulnerable to another, we must love ourselves.
 Leviticus 19:18 says, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," as part of a long list of God's commandments to His people.
A lawyer talking with Jesus recites the two great commandments that Jesus taught, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." Luke 10:27

I have memorized and pondered this scripture for years.
All too often we expend great energy loving our neighbor by doing great works.
We wonder why more people don't expend time and energy outside themselves as we have done.
Then comes exhaustion.
Perhaps the words come to mind, "I met everyone else's needs for too many years and I got burned out. I am done.  No more will I be the nice one as others trample over me or ignore my hard work."

I have been there.
I spin out too much in one direction without taking enough time in prayer and meditation with my Lord.
Yet, in order to "be" to others we need to learn to "be" with God.
Even in Leviticus one is commanded to love our neighbor 'as ourself'.'
Do we really take time to understand the love that God first gave us so we can feel that we truly belong to God and feel worthy of God's unconditional love?

We are called to first love God, which in turn will help us understand God's unending love for us.
Then and only then can we handle our own vulnerability by loving our neighbor unconditionally.

This year I am working hard to be honest and vulnerable with God.
I made a plan to set aside extra time each day to ponder God's words in scripture.
I have done this for years but this year I am being very intentional with several disciplines.
It's winter so I am not running round as much as usual.
The real test will be when the weather clears up and I begin spinning again.

I may not understand where I am in my vulnerability but Brene Brown most certainly helped me to refocus my efforts to simply 'be' . . . to sit and ponder who I am in God's eyes.

Sharing our vulnerability can produce
a sweet bouquet from the heart.

Do I feel comfortable with my sense of love and belonging?
Can I be vulnerable enough to endure telling my story to help another to face the day with more courage?

I pray that, when I am in a place where I need to be vulnerable I can 'be' my story and accept whatever outcome presents itself.
May we each address our own vulnerability as we seek more of God's love.

May we place our vulnerability on God's altar and bring our story to God.
Then, in God's timing, may we be brave enough, courageous enough, to be vulnerable enough to share our story with others.
May we all feel that sense of love and belonging to be vulnerable.

MOON

The moon pierced the darkness as light danced on snow.

The MOON makes bright the still, white hills.

It peeks through the near-dark sky with a brilliance that draws the eye upward.

We speak in whispers so as not to disturb the tranquil stillness.

A soft dusting of snow pops the bright moonlight back up to the sky offering a delight to the senses.

Oh how I love light, especially in winter.


The moon, so often hidden behind shadows of gray, is a rare sight this time of year.
I grabbed my camera to capture the memory.
Yet, a picture only reminds me of an instant where all my senses were at work.

I saw the sparkle of the moon on snow bouncing up to the sky.
I heard the silence of tree boughs holding still.
I felt comfortable standing in the crisp, cold temperature, bundled in my winter gear.
I smelled the clean-washed air after fresh snow had fallen.
I tasted delight rushing through my soul.

The stillness spoke in volumes as night slowly enveloped us.

I give thanks to God for this glorious creation - the MOON - that only has the capability to reflect light from another source.
Yet, just as the snow reflects the 'reflection' of the moon's light from the sun, so we were created to be a 'reflection' of God's glory working in and through us.
I ponder this thought.
Just as the MOON's bright light can only reflect the brightness of another star, so also, we are only able to be the 'bright light' to others IF we absorb that 'light' from God that was intended to fill our souls.
Hmmmmmm
I need to return to this thought after I have digested a little more 'light'.

I recall so many years ago when our neighbor stopped by with his two-year old daughter as they were strolling one summer night.

The huge, full moon was coming up clear and bold before the dark sky enveloped it.
The little one, not yet chatting, simply said, "moooooon."
She had been well taught by loving parents.
She saw that round bulb slowly rising in the night sky and called it by name.
It was a magnetic moment for me.

A burrrrrrrr and blurrrrr wrapped the earth as day met evening shadows.

That little girl, now in college, still reminds me of that moment she pointed to the moooooon.
From that day forth, my hubby and I, when we see the moon rising in the early night sky, say the same word, "mooooon."
We always think of her and offer a mini-prayer that she remain healthy and happy.
Thus far, our prayer for her has far surpassed our meek words.
She is thriving.

The moon seems to have a magnetic attachment to my soul.
It keeps ME thriving.
As the moon reflects its light on dusk-still snow, I also receive the gift of its reflection.
So powerful.
I see the light and soft shadows before night falls.
Reflection.
My still soul reflects the reflection of God's 'light' penetrating deep within me.
Words, thoughts, feelings . . . all are poured out as a reflection of what has been poured into me.
I can only reflect.
Yet, I have the capacity to reflect as boldly and as magnetically as a full moon.
When I am filled to overflowing with joy and gratitude and wonder and curiosity and excitement and . . .
I can't help but come across as being full . . .  full of . . .

We were surprised last Spring with a
visit from a neighbor's friends, descending
near our house as hot air became cooler.

              Others must make that judgment.
I pray I am filled with that which God has planted inside me . . . God's Spirit . . . the reflection of God's only begotten son who walked on this earth, died and was resurrected from the dead, so that we who believe might become that perfect reflection of His work in and through us.
I can choose to be that reflection or . . .
 perhaps, at times, be hot air?
I would then be like a balloon that floats in the air like the moon.
Only, unlike the moon that remains beyond our reach, the balloon filled with hot air will soon 'cool' and descend to the ground . . . totally deflated. . . empty.

Only a reflection yet so igniting

And so I continue to look at the moon, the few times I see it on these gray winter nights, and reflect.

I pray I can remain filled with God's reflection in me.

"Even the darkness is not dark to you and the night is as bright as the day.  Darkness and light are alike to you.  For you formed my inward parts; you wove me in my mother's womb.  I will give thanks to you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  wonderful are your works and my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139: 12-14 NASB