AUGUST ANGST

 Each month I write words from the heart.

Some blog posts are less than stellar and others surprise me.

I continue the discipline of writing whether I feel ‘good’ or not.

This month, after ten years of blogging throughout each year, I could not enter my blog site. 

To my amazement the name for the blog I’d used for a decade, “Linger longer with Gail,” ‘was not mine’ according to Google.  

Frustration.

I entered data and came up empty.

I entered different data and still came up empty. 

No phone number to call. 

Nothing but five questions I could ‘check’.

Not even “Do you need help?”

I push buttons here and there.

I enter one e-address after another.

I verify my existence.

Finally, when all else fails, I call out to God: 

    “Help me with a creative solution!”

Eventually I return to familiar territory and my blog site appears. I immediately ‘saved’ it as a “bookmark.”

When in doubt, shout out . . . to God!  

Why do I forget so often?

Once in awhile my life is like my blog search.

It gets annoying.

I have been through many life challenges and I have not only survived but I continue to THRIVE.

Annoyances are simply part of life.

So why do I get so irritated?  

Why so much angst?

Sometimes my ‘goals’ get in the way of serendipity.

I have my ‘list.’

When I cannot complete my ‘list’ within a certain time, I forget to   b r e a t h e.

Summers are my delight.

I linger in my garden for hours seeking out one more weed I missed.

I loose all sense of time.

My only goal is to ENJOY the moment.

Keeping this balance of breathing in the garden and accomplishing my ‘list’ is not easy.

The LIST usually gets in the way.

I am totally blessed with a slow-moving hubby who lingers long each morning.

This ‘morning time’ allows me to read, meditate, study and journal on my own.

I relish these moments with God.

Hubby . . . and God . . . are teaching me that ‘roadblocks’ are part of our life as we age.

In addition to my own time with God my precious partner in life and I linger over a ‘second breakfast’ as we share a few quiet moments reading a special set of morning meditations together . . . and then we move on to our own lists of daily details.

We both set goals and share our daily ‘agendas’ with each other.

    We love to shop at the farmer’s market filled with fresh produce.

    We make lists for the few times each month we shop at the major markets.

    We make time for each other but it’s usually on the list: 

eat and walk, shop and eat, fix and eat, eat and clean.  

Hubby always has food on his mind.  

Yet, he consumes just enough to maintain his slim physique. 

Our life sounds so calculated.

It is!!

We have plenty of interruptions when people pop over for a visit or when we visit others.

But we both return to our ‘lists.’

I’ve mapped out my life. 

Since my college years I’ve known exactly what I want to accomplish. 

I set goals . .  some small . . . some enormous . . . all do-able with time and patience.

Each goal is within the range of my abilities.

Financially I have made decisions to ‘go without’ in order to save enough to achieve some goals.

Other goals are logistically challenging but well within my ability to accomplish in time.

Many goals have involved investments which are now paying off big time.

We are sooooo blessed.

Fifty-plus years later I am still setting goals within a viable range of completion.

Although Hubby’s goals are different than mine, we seem to blend our desires well and have embraced blessings too numerous to count.

We married late so we explored much of the world by ourselves before we met.

I’m glad of that.  

Hubby is slowing down and is content to remain home or take a ‘day trip’ and call it a ‘grand adventure’. 

I need to ‘recalculate’ my desires, let go of my angst and take quiet moments in stride.

Once in awhile I dream of spending a month on a freighter exploring distant ports.  I only need food and a private space to read and write when at sea.  

Our goals have changed as we age.  

Just as the weeds in my garden seem determined to grow at the base of a delicate plant, my weeds of angst pop up in the midst of wonder-filled days.

I get snarly.

It takes me time to realize I need movement.

I need a break in my routine.  

I need to forget the ‘list.’

This summer my goals entail hours of reading and writing each day.

I LOVE what I’m doing but there is plenty of life outside our home.

I love to embrace special moments.

Hubby and I remind each other that family and friends are just as important as our lists. Yet, they are also busy with the mundane, the comfortable and their daily routine.

Perhaps we are a generation who sets ‘agendas’, maintains lists, and has implemented comfortable daily routines.

When I get snarly I know it’s time for me to digress a bit.

We take time to linger over a long lunch with friends and family. We gather at the large table on the porch stuff ourselves with fine food, laugh and chat endlessly.  Then it’s time for us to part. . .  and return to our routines.

Over the decades we have explored new places and encountered adventures beyond our wildest dreams.  

If I made a list of all my adventures and blessings I would need many notebooks. . . . which I have already filled.

Spending hours at home may cause me angst once in awhile but it is very welcome as we enter our ‘senior’ years. 

My exploration will never cease.  

It has simply changed.

After three lazy months of summer I forget the frenetic pace I must keep during the half year we are in another location. 

Winter months I work ‘part time’ 

Weeks are filled with deadlines, high expectations and few moments to read for pleasure   

Sometimes I am needed at a moment’s notice. 

We have to shift gears throughout each day.  

We have to put on our lists, “Take time to b r e a t h e.’.

So why do I feel angst with silly blog challenges when I have so much time to linger alone or  drink in summer delights with hubby?  

Perhaps life is just too good.

It’s time to embrace serendipity . . . linger . . . 

B R E A T H E.

“Thank you, Lord, for untamed moments, for the summer serendipity, for the desire to walk Your path with all its twists and turns and forked roads.”

May my ‘Angst’ turn into Alleluias!

I am blessed!

 [Note: After writing my first draft of this blog I weeded my garden.  BLISS! Two hours later my attitude is better and my soul is full of thanksgiving.  Prayer, soul searching and fresh air turned my Angst into Alleluias.]

JULY ROOTS

 

I’ve lingered long in the garden this summer.  

The sky is wild with clouds but sun peaks through most of each day.  

When we least expect the rain it seems to gush for a moment then stop. 

When we are fast asleep the longer showers blanket the garden.  

God’s perfection is at work.

People ask why I rarely cut flowers for inside the house.  

My answer remains, “They die too quickly even if lovingly watered.”

There is something that changes when a flower is cut from its family and popped into a substance like clear, clean water.  It blooms for a bit but then give up and dies.  

Where are the nutrients? 

How can a flower linger with no tentacles to slowly bring enrichment to the buds? 

Alas, it’s the grimy grit of dirt that is needed; the gray-black substance where it begins life.

My flowers and trees began as seeds even if I bought some of them as sturdy plants.  

These seeds hid in darkness for many weeks before they were able to peak out of the soil.  During this time they got use to the damp-cool darkness pressed against their pin-head bodies.  

They grew the most important part of the plant . . . Roots!  

Because of their roots my plants and trees suck in drops from torrential rain or wait patiently for a taste of moisture when dehydrated.  

Each plant pierced through the ground only after a substantial root system was born.  

Only then can they begin to grow tall and create blooms while the wind presses into them and while rain drops pounce upon them.  

Because of roots, my garden grows more beautiful each day.  

The ten-foot Leland Cypress Pine tree was only suppose to grow another few feet.  

It is now thirty feet tall.  

The root system grows under a garden wall and all the way down a steep open slope.  It’s very happy to receive gallons of water when it seeps down from the hillside above.  

The side garden was carved out of our hill in three terraces which come down from the front to the back of the house.  A Mountain Laurel ‘bush’ that died back a couple years ago and was cut to the ground decided to grow again and is now twelve feet high.  We never touched the root system which happily extends across the side yard, free of any impediments.  It is surrounded by other large bushes including my favorite blue hydrangea bush. Astilbe pops up with it’s red brushes and Day-lilies peak through Russian sage branches.  Trailing blue geraniums cover Hasta that flow under the Holly and Winterberry bushes

In the back yard Rose bushes are surrounded by garlic plants and oregano.  Echinacea (Coneflower) mixes with Day-lilies, Zinnias, Coreopsis, Butterfly bush and splatters of ‘volunteers’ that have blown from elsewhere.  Russian sage sways high above the garden as a backdrop. Hasta happily settles under the Leland Cypress tree.  

All these plants and flowers have taken time to form roots, from shallow and malleable to deep down in the earth, never to be touched.  

It’s the roots that help each plant or flower endure and thrive in their own way.  

It’s the roots that nourish and sustain when the weather becomes fickle.  

It’s the roots that help each flower, plant, bush or tree stand tall right where it was planted.  Without roots, each would not be able to exist for long.

It’s the same with us.  

We need roots to sustain life.  

While we were in gestation for nine months we were rooted to our mother through a cord that fed us with nutrients as we floated mindlessly in her amniotic sac. 

All we did was absorb and grow from a seed smaller than a pinhead into a human being with ten toes and ten fingers on two legs and two arms.  

Our bodies are filled with complex organs that work with one another miraculously to enable us to thrive. 

They took time to grow but they grew enough to enable us to live outside this sac, outside our mother, in a very crazy place called ‘the world.’  

Our head with eyes and ears and nose and mouth and brain was far more complex to develop but God’s master plan is beyond my comprehension.

Our bodies need some parts to be viable outside the womb.  Yet, some bodies cannot live beyond a certain point or are born and do not live long.  We who have lost life will grieve for that child but that child belongs to God.  I know God’s hand is on us to help us with that life-long grief. 

All life, even that of a flower, is precious to God.  

Yet, just because a ‘well rooted’ baby survives birth and sustains life for years, there are other roots that are necessary for that child to thrive.  

We all know the words, “Bloom where you were planted.”  

Sometimes, where we are planted does not offer enough sustenance for us to thrive.  

We may be genetically strong but our surroundings lack nutrients for solid growth.  

That’s where parents may need a bit of help from grandparents or other relatives.  

It’s the family unit, however extended, that can provide strong roots to sustain the temptations presented to us throughout life.

Many times, the ‘family’ system needs to be embraced by a greater family.  

That’s why when I read in my daily reading this week I was reminded of God’s two most important commands.  Among the Ten Commandments and the extra 613 laws, I’m reminded of two important instructions from God when Covenant relationship was re-introduced to the Israelites just after they entered the Sinai desert after their exodus from Egypt.

In Deuteronomy (the second Law) God reminds us of our need to be rooted to the One who created us.  

First, there is to be only ONE God to worship.  Money, possessions, television, sports, social networks and so much more can be used to strengthen our roots but must be used responsibly.  If any become gods, our roots are weakened and will become clogged with useless pride-filled perversions.  Only when we develop deep roots with the Lord, thy God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit, can we grow roots of stature and strength.  

The Second most important command from Deuteronomy is to diligently teach our children or others what we have learned from God. Only when we grow in stature and strength in God’s image can we then teach another generation.  

The Hebrew people learned words from Deuteronomy that they say daily, words of the Shama.

“Hear, O Israel, the Lord is God, the Lord is One.” Faithful households still place a Mezuzah on their door (a thin metal covering for words of the Shema placed inside) and touch it each time they enter or exit their home.  This affirms their rootedness to God daily.

Only when we connect with the little ones and any others in our path can we help them to grow deep roots, to connect with God in everything they say and do.  

It is up to us to give ‘roots’ to our children or grand children or neighbors children or any peer who comes into our life-path.  

It is up to us to share the strength and nurturing love we have received from God with another.

It is up to us to give others an opportunity to see, know, embrace and drink in the love of God for themselves.  

Only when we share our lives with others can our God-nutrients flow into another life to give them God-roots.  

It is up to us to help others grow roots that will sustain them through life’s temptations and even help others thrive.

Today I read my daily meditation that just ‘happened’ to speak of our roots!  

I am affirmed daily of God’s presence but this is amazing  quote.

How did God know I would write this morning?

This is what Thomas a` Kempis says in his most amazing book, Imitation of Christ: 

“Many try to fly away from temptations only to fall     

         more deeply into them; for you cannot win a battle

        by mere flight. It is only by patience and humility that

        you will be strengthened against the enemy. Those who

        shun them outwardly and do not pull them out by the 

    roots will make no progress; for temptations will soon

        return to harass them and they will be in a worse state. 

        It is only gradually—with patience and endurance and 

        with God’s grace—that you will overcome temptations 

        sooner than by your own efforts and anxieties . . Gold is 

        tried by fire and the upright person by temptation. 

        Often we do not know what we can do until temptation

         shows us what we are . . . This is how temptation is:

first we have a thought, followed by strong imaginings,

         then the pleasure and evil emotions, and finally 

        consent. This is how the enemy gains full admittance, 

        because he was not resisted at the outset. The slower 

        we are to resist, the weaker we daily become and 

the stronger the enemy is against us.”

I cannot grow roots on the flowers I cut a few times a year when we entertain. 

I cannot grow roots for those trees and flowers in my garden.  

Yet, I can grow my own roots by daily connecting with the Lord and understanding the One whom God sent to me to die on a cross for me and show me resurrected life, Jesus Christ.  

I can rise above the smarmy parts of life as I keep drinking in the life of God’s Son.  

I can share what God blooms within me when I drink from Scripture and worship, Holy Communion and prayer.

Through these, and more I receive nutrients that make my soul grow.  

May your garden, whether a huge swath of land or a tiny potted plant, remind you of your rootedness to life through God, our Creator, His Son, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.  

If we choose to say, “yes” to life, all we have to do is say “yes” to our Triune God and He will sustain us with a well rooted life.  

Our ‘yes’ to God is daily but our ‘yes’ guarantees life-roots in the eternal presence of Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

May we enjoy continued growth of our roots and share what God feeds us to all who surround us.

May your roots grow strong and deep in the Presence of God.